Thursday, August 4, 2011

An Ode to Jillian Michaels

Jillian Michaels I loathe to like you.

Jillian Michaels (from now on will be known as "JM") I aspire to hate you.

JM you make my hammies & buttocks sing.  Soaring to the previously unreachable soprano's aria of high C.  Every time I walk, I attempt to sit, or basically any time I start or end any normal human movement. 

I hate you.  I love you. Won't you shut up already about how I can't phone it in.  Do you really think I'm bringing my mobile with me to these torture sessions?

Seriously, go to the library or WM or Costco or wherever you prefer to deposit your paycheck and pick up her newest exercise DVD: Ripped in 30 Days.


I completed workout one yesterday and thought it went really well.  I got up a good sweat, moved around a lot.  Yes.  A new one to add into the rotation.  Good job JM.

I went on with my life: work, errands, bookmobile, dinner, walk, veg on the couch, etc.

** fast forward to this AM **

My lovely alarm chirps promptly at 4:45 am (yes - you read it correctly) and I bound out of bed for a new day and my daily exercise.  And my legs won't move.

I ponder this for a moment (I may have actually fallen back asleep) and try again.  O.M.G.  What in the blazes is wrong with my legs!?  Have I suffered from some mysterious side effect of the West Nile Virus?

(I did go on a walk yesterday and the Denver Post had an article about how it is remotely possible to be bitten by a mosquito carrying the virus.  Note: I did not read the article.  Not even a skim, just a glance at the headline & picture.)

Oh heavens no ... it was my dear, beloved exercise demon coach JM who had done this to me.  (Mental note: return JM secret society decoder ring pronto.)  That b*&/!.

So how do I respond to this dilemma you ponder?

I did another JM workout because I am a masochist.  There -  I said it.  Someone send me a link to a meetup of others like me (either recovering or still into it; I could go either way).

Now to be nice to my body I did the JM Yoga Meltdown DVD because you don't really work out your hamstrings in yoga.  Right?



Oh, crap, is it time to get up again?

HA!  I'll be amazed if I can move after sitting on my backside all morning at the library.  I hope no one needs help with the printers.  Dammit, law students, you are on your own with your fancy duplex print job.  You already have one degree.  Didn't that include a class on how to use technology?

Oh - that's right - you were too busy drinking the night before thus hungover (and probably still wasted) to make it to your Tuesday 10am tech class.  Sorry, I forgot what it's like to be twenty and entitled.

So ... JM ... will I see you tomorrow?  Will I still love you when I can't get off the floor?  You betcha!

And that's all I've got to say about that.

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